Here is something that I want you to hear. It is not too late for you to meet someone.
I know that sounds simple. But if you have been carrying a lifetime of disappointment from relationships that did not go the way you planned it can be genuinely hard to believe that. As we go through life it is natural for relationships to end. For dreams to shift and the years go by far faster than we expect.
No matter who we are and what we want, we are not static beings. We change. We evolve. Our hopes change. Realistically, what we want from a relationship at 35 is not what we wanted at 22. And what we want at 55 is not what we wanted at 35. This isn’t failure. It’s called living and being human.
But here is where it gets complicated. And makes you lose hope.
We live in a world that sends us an enormous number of messages about what our lives are supposed to look like. These come from our families, our communities, our workplaces, and the never ending scroll of social media we inflict on ourselves. These messages do not always come from a good place. More importantly, they are messages we really don’t need. Instead, they are attempting to make us fit ourselves into a template that current culture wants us to adopt.
When your life does not fit the template, it is easy to start believing you have somehow missed your chance. That the chance for real connection has passed you by.
I can assure you it has not.
What I know from my work as a matchmaker is this: a genuine relationship is possible for almost anyone. But it requires something from you that no app, algorithm or well-meaning friend can create for you. It requires effort only you can put in.
It requires you to be genuinely open.
That doesn’t mean performing openness. Saying the right things while you are quietly protecting yourself from every direction. It means being actually open to the idea that someone worth having a relationship with can see you as you are right now. Not as you were ten years ago. Not as you think you should be right now. But see you for who you are right now and believe that you are worth showing up for.
This means you have to put down all of the hurt, anger and disappointment that you have been carrying. Not continue to pretend that none of it ever happened to you. Or that everything is resolved. But to move forward. To make enough room in your heart, your feelings and life for someone else to walk into it.
You also need to learn to extend the same generosity to people you meet. To look at them as full human beings who have also changed, grown through life, been hurt and just like you kept on going.
This what I do personally and professionally. I work hard to be open and see people for who they are. Not who they are performing to be. So, when I match people, I don’t match based entirely on their list of preferences. I match based on who they show me they are and who they are ready to meet and let into their lives.
So, if you are reading this and thinking, maybe, that’s actually enough. Maybe signifies hope and an inkling of belief. And that is exactly where you need to be.
Cheryl, Wayward Hearts Matchmaking